Andy! You Goonie!

Well my friends, today is a big day. Not only did I successfully deprive myself of a Taco Bell CrunchWrap for yet another day (Day: 63; Terror Watch: Orange), but I also received my first unprompted piece of fan mail!

I will spare you the wonderfully gushing and gory details of the full text, but I have pulled a few snippets for your enjoyment.



Well I do declare! "BTW" I must say that I completely agree. You, the most sparkling Blue Bell of my life, flatter me with your... flattery. I am at a loss for words. I mean, I've always known that my life's calling has been to rant about people and things which anger me in a forum where no one will ever actually notice, but it is nice that someone finally agrees. And apparently LOVES it.



But then this:



OK, first the truth, in the spirit of full disclosure. Not a LOVE letter from a complete stranger, but it was completely unprovoked, nonetheless. Moving on.



Really? That is how you show your appreciation for my carefully penned words? I get it. I made mention of it in a previous entry. This is my time down here, my time. I get to say those things, not you. Don't be selling your haterade all up in this joint.

Once I recovered from my rage blackout I had time to fully analyze this email. (Yes, I realize "analyze" has "anal" in it. I'm so gay.) I was also fat in high school. And I was on student council. And my choir teacher made me take speech therapy lessons to help me lessen my lisp. Your hate-mongering fingers were too tired to bring that up? Or did you need to be reminded of those things?

But, hon, thanks again for the email. It made my day. Thank you for taking a break from your jam-packed schedule of watching "Deal or No Deal" reruns in between shopping excursions to Kohls to drop me a line.

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Are you there God? It's me, Margaret.

It's true. I really do think so highly of myself that I feel the need to start my own blog. I think that everyone across the internets needs to hear what I have to say because I am just that unique and interesting. You're here, aren't you? Point, AW.

Here you will find a collection of everything related to me. Things I like. For example, things I like about me, and occasionally things I like about you. There will also be a lot of things I don't like. It will be heavy on the annoyances, focusing mostly things I don't like about you, never things I don't like about me, because there are none. Really, don't be surprised to find yourself on here at one point. Because I don't like you. Let me clarify: to your face, we're best friends. But this blog is not directed at anyone's face. I know you better than you know yourself, so I can safely assume that you won't recognize yourself in an article. This blog is all behind your back; what my mom called "kitchen table talk" because that's where it was supposed to stay, around the kitchen table. In fact, you can blame a lot of this on my mother. She taught me to be everyone's friend, and for that I will be forever grateful. She also taught me that janitors own the building, but that doesn't really have anything to do with this blog. Yet.

What you won't find here, contrary to the title, are articles about food. This is not a collection of good meals I've eaten, or recipes I enjoy. I don't pay attention as I eat. I have been starving myself for quite a while now, and am therefore constantly hungry. The constant visions of burritos and crab rangoon have officially affected my brain and mood. Hence the need to start a blog.

Ride it, my pony.

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